5 Trauma-Informed Parenting Hacks That Work
Parenting children with challenging backgrounds can feel overwhelming—but small, intentional shifts can lead to real breakthroughs. If you’ve ever wondered how to respond when big emotions take over, these five trauma-informed parenting hacks offer practical tools to bring more calm, connection, and growth into your everyday moments.
1. Regulate First, Respond Second
Emotions are contagious. When we match our child’s out-of-control energy with our own, the situation quickly escalates. Before correcting your child, take a second to check your own state: a dysregulated adult cannot regulate a dysregulated child.
Try: Notice your own feelings in the moment.
Take three deep breaths or step away for 30 seconds before responding. Intentionally control the volume and speed of your voice. Notice what your body language and facial expression are communicating. Stay committed to responding, not reacting emotionally.
2. Behavior Is a Clue, Not the Problem Meltdowns
Defiance, hitting, cursing, stealing, lying—bad behavior can feel so upsetting that we’ll do anything to try to make it stop. But punishment and control will never give our kids the tools they need to grow. The most effective way to create change is to get curious and try to meet the need behind the behavior.
Try: Ask yourself, “What is my child trying to communicate?”
Can you meet a physical need with a drink, a snack, or a kind touch? Help them feel seen by validating their experience and consider what fear might be driving their behavior. Be with them in the moment and work together to find solutions that help your child grow in their ability to trust you and express their needs.
3. Predictability Builds Safety
When a child feels safe, they can access the parts of their brain needed to learn, dream, and connect with others. Predictable routines reduce anxiety and power struggles. All healing begins with intentionally increasing your child’s felt safety.
Try: Use a visual schedule or simple verbal cues like, “First we clean up, then we play.”
Give warnings before transitioning from one activity to the next, and whenever possible, make it fun—“Let’s walk like penguins to the bathroom for bath time!”
4. Lower the Bar, Raise the Support Frustration
Frustration is usually the result of unmet expectations. When our child isn’t meeting expectations, it’s important to remember: they are having a hard time, not giving us a hard time. We can either adjust our expectations or increase the support we provide to help them be successful.
Try: Offer a compromise—“It seems like you want five more minutes to finish playing before we start getting ready for bed!”
Infuse some fun and break down the task—“Let’s clean up all the red things first and come back later to work on a different color.” Increase support with your presence or help—“Let’s do this first homework problem together to get you started.”
5. Repair Matters More Than Perfection
Because no one is perfect, imperfect parenting is actually best! It gives us the opportunity to model what happens next—and shows that relationships can survive hard things. When you lose your cool, be quick to own it and model a healthy repair.
Try: Don’t qualify an apology.
Correction for your child’s behavior should never come at the same time as a repair. Simply say, “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I was angry, but it’s not okay for me to yell when I’m upset.” Then give your child time and space to process the repair and reconnect when they’re ready.
