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Adjusting your Expectations about Foster Care and Adoption

Myth: Foster care and adoption will be as hard as I excepted. Today, Erika explains that the foster and adopt journey is actually full of challenges we may not ever anticipate, and she shares helpful tips on how we can set the right expectations for the road ahead.


Adjusting Your Expectations About Foster Care and Adoption

Good morning and welcome back to Coffee with Chosen I’m Erika. Today, were talking about a myth of foster care and adoption. The myth is it will be as hard as I thought it would be, but I’m going to let you in a little secret. It will actually be harder. When we set out to adopt, we read all that we can get our hand on to prepare—the books I have read them all.

I tried to imagine worst case scenarios. I tried to think how I would use these tools in these books and I was ready for hard—bring it on—tantrums—rejection—food issues—I felt ready and I then I met my daughter. Who was amazing and precious and completely silent and unresponsive and somehow for me that was so much harder. It was more challenging than I expected and funny enough the things that I though would be hard were actually okay and the things I never expected to be a struggle they leveled me.

There are always gonna be things as parents that we do well. Things we roll with, things that we adapt too, behaviors that we just naturally know what to do with. And then, there are going to be things that just blindside us. Early on in our adoption journey someone told me, “Adoption is not for the faint of heart.” and they were right. Leading children with extreme trauma on a path of healing is the hardest thing you will ever do. It will require the most patience, the most compassion, the most creativity, and the most self-regulation on our part as parents, but I can tell you ten years in that it is the most, worthy work I have ever done.

We know from the hundreds of parents that we talk to at Chosen that having the wrong expectations about foster care and adoption can easily lead you on a path to just feeling overwhelmed and even second guessing your decision. But walking into it with a heart and a mind that are really open and aware of the unique challenges ahead will really help you stay the course. So, rather than telling yourself, “This will be hard I’ve read all the books and I am ready.” Instead tell yourself, “This is going to be harder than I expect and sometimes it’s even going to surpass my level of preparation, and the scope of my knowledge and that’s okay.”

Remind yourself that the things that you are expecting to be hard will likely be hard, but they are probably going to feel different. Have a list of people you can call and talk through these things. Talk with moms and foster moms—just someone who understand, and you call us at Chosen because this is exactly what we do every day. We walk alongside into the hard parts of fostering to help you feel supported and equipped to do the lifechanging work of helping your child heal from trauma.

So, reach out to us as—we would love to help you—you all have a greadt day. Bye. Bye.



If you want more parenting tips geared towards families impacted by foster care, adoption, and kinship care, please visit our resource library. If you need personalized trauma-responsive care for your family, we would love to help! Contact us to learn more about the ways Chosen Care can support your family.
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