Key Takeaways
- Ongoing Conversations Matter: Instead of one big talk, have small, ongoing discussions about bodies and boundaries to help your child learn gradually.
- Follow Their Lead: When kids ask questions, respond by understanding their curiosity first, and keep your answers simple and age-appropriate.
- Create a Safe Space: Use proper terms for body parts, admit any awkwardness, and ensure your child feels comfortable asking questions without fear of judgment.
It Happened in the Car.
Out of nowhere, my 6-year-old asked, “Mom, how was I made?”
My heart starts racing. We were at a red light, and I suddenly wished I could teleport out of the conversation. Why isn’t their Dad ever around to field these questions? Do I say “a special hug” like my mom told me? Do I tell her everything? Do I change the subject and hope she forgets?
Instead, I took a breath and asked, “What do you mean?”
She shrugged. “Like… was I made in a factory or something?”
That’s when I realized something important: Sometimes, kids’ questions aren’t as deep as we think they are.
Why Talking About Bodies & Boundaries Feels So Hard
For many of us, conversations about bodies, sex, and privacy weren’t exactly open growing up. Maybe our parents avoided the topic altogether. Maybe they handled it with vague, confusing metaphors about birds and bees. Or maybe they just gave one horribly awkward talk and expected that to be enough.
So when it’s our turn to talk with our kids, we can feel unprepared and overwhelmed.
But here’s the good news: These conversations don’t have to be scary, and they don’t have to be perfect.
It’s Not One Big Talk—It’s a Bunch of Little Ones
A lot of parents think, I need to find the perfect time to have The Talk. But research shows that kids learn best through small, ongoing conversations.
Think about it like teaching your kid how to drive. You don’t hand them the keys on their 16th birthday and say, “Good luck!”—you start years earlier. First, you narrate how things work and point out safe vs unsafe drivers. Then, you model checking your blind spot, going the speed limit, and using your blinker. Eventually, they get behind the wheel, but they don’t start on the freeway.
Talking about bodies, boundaries, and sex works the same way. The earlier we start with small, natural moments, the easier it is when bigger topics come up.
Making These Conversations Less Awkward
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, start with these simple mindset shifts:
- Follow your child’s lead. If they ask, “Where do babies come from?”—don’t launch into a biology lecture. Instead, ask, “What do you think?” You might find they’re just wondering if babies grow in tummies or in hospitals.
- Use real words. Instead of “your cookie” or “your pee-pee,” say vulva or penis. It might feel weird at first, but kids take their cues from us. If we say it confidently and matter-of-fact, they will internalize that it is normal and healthy to use proper names for our body parts.
- Keep it simple. A 3-year-old doesn’t need to know all the details about reproduction. You can just say, “Babies grow in a special place inside a mommy’s belly.” When they are ready for more info, they’ll ask.
- Openness over perfection. You will get caught off guard. You will fumble your words. That’s okay! Laugh and admit the awkwardness. What matters most is that your child feels safe asking you anything.
Tips for Everyday Moments
🚗 In the car: “Mom, what’s sex?”
💡 What to say: “Sex is something grown-ups do when they love each other. Why do you ask?”
(You might find out they just overheard a word on TV and have no idea what it means!)
🛁 At bath time: “Why don’t I have a penis like my brother?”
💡 What to say: “Boys and girls have different private parts. Do you remember what your private parts are called?”
(Pro tip: Bath time is a great opportunity to introduce body parts and privacy rules naturally!)
📺 While watching a movie: “Why are those people kissing like that?”
💡 What to say: “Kissing is one way people can show they love each other. Just remember, movies always make things look more dramatic than real life!”
(This keeps it neutral while reinforcing that you’re a safe person to ask.)
What If My Child Never Asks?
Some kids are naturally curious and will ask a million questions. Others won’t bring it up at all. If your child doesn’t ask, don’t assume they’re not thinking about it—they might just not know how to start the conversation.
Here are some practical ways to get the conversation going:
🛑 At a crosswalk: “We always look both ways before we cross the street. Did you know we also have rules about our bodies to keep us safe?”
📚 Reading a book: “This book talks about how babies grow. Do you want to know more about how that works?”
🛏️ At bedtime: “You know you can ask me anything, right? If you’re curious about your changing body, I’m always here to listen.”
Final Thoughts: They’ll Remember How You Made Them Feel
Kids won’t remember every word we say, but they will remember how we made them feel. If they know we won’t freak out, shame them, or avoid the topic, they’ll keep coming to us. The goal is not just to teach them facts, but to build a relationship where they feel safe asking us anything.
If you’re looking for more ways to guide these conversations, download our Healthy Conversations on Sex & Sexuality tool. It’s full of practical tips to make these topics feel natural, not nerve-wracking!
