Last month, I introduced the Circle of Connection framework.
You can catch up here.
The Circle of Connection—being seen, heard, valued, and known—is a blueprint to bring healing to the broken places of our stories.
Children with hard histories of trauma are often mired in shame. They have internalized messages like, “I have to take care of myself,” creating self-protective layers that can make eye contact difficult.
Building healthy relational connections begins with being seen. Being seen is more than just being noticed—it starts with presence. Welcoming another person into the space of our attention is an act of hospitality. It means slowing down, paying attention, and intentionally focusing on the person in front of us.
I recently read that our most valuable commodity is no longer time—it’s our attention.
Making space for relational connection with our children (or with each other) demands that we slow down.
Seeing is foundational to relational connection and sends the message: I’m here with you. You matter. You are not invisible.
We often see what we are looking for. And what we focus on grows. If I magnify the good I see in my child, I nurture and cultivate that goodness. But if my focus on what is wrong, I may unintentionally reinforce shame and behaviors I don’t want.
As humans, we have a tendency to look too long in the rearview mirror. If I anticipate what I’ll see today based on yesterday, I miss the opportunity to be in the moment. True connection happens in the present.
Many things prevent us from seeing clearly:
- Masks
- Veils
- Blurred Vision
- Judgement
- Filters
- Barriers
- Pace
These distort our perception, causing us to miss the person and the heart right in front of us. Being seen fosters psychological safety. Safety builds trust. And trust opens the door to healing.
Seeing is the first step to building connection.
Whether it is your child, a spouse or a friend, all of us have a desire to be seen. Who do you need to stop and see today?
Next month, we’ll explore what it means to be heard—and how listening continues to foster relational healing.
