For Children with Trauma Histories, Being Heard is Critical.
Many have never been given a voice in decisions that affect them. If they have experienced neglect, they receive a clear message: no one listens. Over time, they may stop expressing themselves altogether. Internalizing emotions to avoid rejection can lead to fear and anxiety.
Drawing out our children’s voices begins with creating safety. When a child feels safe, they may begin to open up. And feeling safe starts with being seen. (Check out my “Seen” blog if you missed it!)
When We Are Truly Heard, Our Souls Feel Lighter. We Feel Less Alone. Sharing Our Hearts and Lives Lessens Our Burdens.
Listening is more than just hearing—it’s active and intentional. It requires us to be fully present and consider what is being said.
Research shows that 80% of communication is nonverbal. If we aren’t fully engaged, we miss crucial cues—body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice—all key elements in building healthy, connected relationships.
Barriers to Listening
- Noise: External and internal distractions
- The Past: Previous experiences that shape how we interpret conversations
- Distance: Emotional or physical disconnection
- Fear: Worrying about what we might hear
- Self-interest: Focusing on our response instead of truly listening
- Prejudices: Biases that influence our understanding
- Preoccupation: Being too busy or distracted to fully engage
It’s no wonder we struggle to listen.
How to Be a Better Listener
To truly dial in, we need to move beyond just hearing words. Here’s how:
- Reflect back what you hear. Pay attention not just to words but also to what is unspoken—emotions, pauses, and body language.
- Validate feelings instead of rushing to fix. I’m a recovering “fixer.” Many of us instinctively jump straight to solutions. But responding too quickly can make the other person feel unheard. Sometimes, they don’t need a fix—they just need a compassionate ear.
- Be present. Turn off distractions—radio, TV, or phones—especially during car rides or dinner. For teens, side-by-side interactions like walking or playing a game together can foster deeper conversations than face-to-face discussions.
- Be curious. Enter their world. If your child loves gaming, ask what they play and why. You may not care about the game, but showing interest in what they love shows that you care about them.
Who Do You Need to Stop and Listen to Today?
This is the third post in a blog series on the Circle of Connection. Being seen, heard, valued, and known is a blueprint for healing the broken places in our stories.
