A Journey of Connection: How the Millers Found Hope with Chosen
When Andrea and Troy Miller decided to expand their family by adopting Kaden, they were determined to create a safe, loving home for him, even as they navigated the unexpected complexities of their new family dynamic.
My own “launch” has stalled at times—maybe you can relate.
Kaden, who had experienced significant loss, had difficulty adjusting to his new home. “He started out unsure if this was just another temporary placement,” Andrea said. “It led to a lot of pushback from him, and things escalated quickly.”
Troy reflected on how confusing those early days were. “You try to treat him like another child, and then you get reactions that don’t make sense. It’s one thing to expect it, but when it happens, you feel lost. Simple interactions don’t work the way you expect.”
A New Approach: Finding Chosen
Just as the Millers were reaching their breaking point, they connected with Chosen. Andrea vividly remembers her first conversation with Katie, their Care Manager at Chosen. “She said, ‘I see you,’ and I started crying. No one had said that before. Everyone else kept saying, ‘You’re amazing,’ but I didn’t feel amazing. I felt like I was failing. Katie got it. She said, ‘This is hard. We’re going to get you there.’”
Chosen’s support went far beyond what the Millers had experienced elsewhere. “Other services were focused on the child,” Troy said. “They’d give us scripts or tell us about respite care, but we wanted more. We wanted a relationship with Kaden. We wanted to help him heal. Chosen was the first to really support us as parents.”
Building Connection
Katie’s guidance was transformative. “She’d say things like, ‘This behavior will come off as disrespect, but it’s not. He’s scared,’” Troy explained. “That helped us reframe everything. Once we understood his behaviors were fear-based, not defiance, we could respond with empathy.”
Andrea agreed. “She gave us tools and strategies that actually worked. She reminded me to give myself grace, to be patient. I’d get down on myself, thinking I was a terrible mom, and she’d say, ‘Slow down. This takes time.’”
Through Chosen, the Millers learned to approach Kaden’s needs differently. “With our biological son, it was no-nonsense,” Troy said. “But with Kaden, you can’t just say, ‘Go clean your room.’ You have to build trust first. It’s about the relationship.”
A New Family Dynamic
Though the journey hasn’t been easy, the Millers found hope and learned skills that paved a way forward. “It’s not about fixing behaviors,” Troy said. “It’s about building a connection, helping Kaden feel safe, and showing him, he’s loved. Chosen has made all the difference in helping us become a family.”
* Names have been changed
Chosen Walks Alongside the Caregivers
Every year, Chosen helps hundreds of adoptive families build bonds of trust. And we’re looking for partners to help heal their heartbreak. Your gift gives families the assurance they need to provide attachment and permanency for kids who desperately need it.
Looking for help? Get started here.
Looking to support a family? Give now.
