When Becky adopted five-year old Tiffany she was filled with HOPE, joy and resolve. Becky knew it is would be hard but she was ready and had prepared herself for roadblocks and setbacks. Right off the bat, Becky struggled to genuinely connect with Tiffany. To her surprise, she even found it challenging to like her. Becky kept trying but over the course of years, their relationship became increasingly strained and difficult. Tiffany became more distant and discouraged as she tried to find ways to gain her mom’s approval. Becky began to lose hope. She felt guilty and inadequate. Maybe Tiffany needed a better mother. Maybe it was time to give up and put Tiffany in a different home.
In her search for answers, Becky heard about Chosen. Since there were years of wounds and disconnection, Becky did not have much hope of change or progress. In her first few parent coaching sessions, she learned that her own pattern of connecting and attaching to others was inconsistent. She learned that her approach caused confusion and chaos with her daughter and ensured further distance and disconnection. Becky learned how her personal history affected the way she approached relationships. This allowed her to catch herself when she wanted to pull away from Tiffany and move past the fear to building a relationship of love and trust.
Becky’s heart softened and guilt began to lift. She began to experience HOPE again. There were still many hard days and Becky still struggled with feeling affection for Tiffany. Through weekly sessions with Chosen’s staff, Becky recounted small victories and stayed the course. Over time, occasional good days turned into good weeks and more. Becky’s new self-awareness and knowledge pushed her to spend quality time with Tiffany working on their relationship.
Today, Becky is thriving in her relationship with Tiffany and delighting in her daughter. Now that they have a true connection and attachment to one another, Becky has a hard time believing that she once thought of sending Tiffany to another family. Together, they are moving forward on a path of healing.
*Names have been changed.
Every year, Chosen helps hundreds of foster and adoptive families thrive. And we’re looking for partners to help heal their heartbreak. Your gift gives families the assurance they need to provide attachment and permanency for kids who desperately need it. Give now to help a family today.